-Fantastic! Wonderful! Amazing! Today I am older, yes! How long I have been looking forward this moment and yes! At last I am five years old, oh my god, I couldn’t believe it. I am too big! I am not more the little boy of the family, I mean, next year I will be in primary school! I can’t imagine that.
How can I say that, only a simple birthday? No….There is more… maybe presents? Yeah that’s the magic world! Friends, toys, chocolate cake, sweets, smiles, run, jump that sounds as a perfect day!
Contrary to all children, nature is the most beautiful thing in the world for me, when I say nature I mean amazing landscapes, parks, flowers, but flowers more than the rest, I really like them. Any child think of a huge toy or a beautiful doll for their birthday, but that not is in my case, I am willing to have a huge brunch of flowers for my fifth birthday, it’s one o my dreams, when I sais a huge brunch I mean around a hundred or two hundred of flowers around me.
And yeah, fortunately I could see that brunch of flowers, all of them so nice, beautiful, pretty, but there was one, in the middle looking to me, with scary eyes and a huge mouth, oh no!
When I said that day will be the perfect one…..I didn’t mean that flower was going to be my enemy, now I have to be in the hospital because of it… I hate flowers!
The idea is quite original, Silvia. But you could make it more dynamic and add some rhythm. May be, you could use shorter sentences and describe more physically each image in order to make them more powerful. It might be interesting also if you don´t talk about the flowers till the end, avoiding them in the title as well. In that way, you will provoke a different feeling in the reader.
ResponderEliminarGood end! And the pictures is great with the story. Really good plot!
ResponderEliminarBut I'd change some sentences, Like a little child tries to explain the things ( for example with short sentences or expressing more emotion)