7:00 A.M. The alarm clock makes me open my eyes. Going to the bathroom I get lost again. “What a laberinthine house this is!” sounds in my mind.
Have a shower, have breakfast, have a newspaper in my hands searching a new entertainment for each empty new day. But one with a good salary, of course. I would like to meet my house mates again: the one who helped me cook, the one who helped me sleep, relax, to communicate with others, and most important: my computer.
But they are gone. I will never see them again. They died as the rest I knew. Or maybe it is better to say that it is me the one who died. Who died and resurrected again in the life of someone that was invented to help people like me. People who don´t want to be found and being still alive.
Thanks to the witness protection program I was born again, and I am going to get older as a new person now.
Wauu, good story. The imagery is perfect. The way he feels is well-seen in all the story. He sometimes talks with irony "that's me the one who die". I like this type of irony. It'd be great if you put a dialogue with himself but I wouldn't add anything.I like your story, well done!!
ResponderEliminarI completely agree with Javi. The imagery is very clear. I love your writing skills: The way you describe everything with complex (grammatically talking)sentences which show exactly what you want to say.
ResponderEliminarI used the same idea in one of my stories! I recommend you to read it and compare with yours. It´s "Traffic light".
ResponderEliminarI think it´s a good idea to express this kind of new life from this point of view: everything changes, I don´t really know who I am.
May be you could improve your short if you don´t write in such a literal way that you are talking about the witness protection programme. You could include something about a murder you have seen or staff like that.
But, apart from that, I like it very much! =)
Javi, Bea: thank you so much. Your comments moves me =) haha
ResponderEliminarAlex,also thanks for you too, I read your story and well, I only see the topic in common, but maybe we´re whatching them from different points of view ^^